After two decades of pastoral supervision, one reality has become increasingly clear: ministry teams are struggling to work well together. In fact, I'd estimate that at least half of my supervision work involves helping ministry staff navigate difficult conversations with colleagues. What's striking is that these challenges rarely stem from outright sin or malice. Instead, they emerge from the natural friction of different working styles, unclear expectations, poor governance structures, communication preferences and temperaments (and so much more) all colliding in close quarters. The prevalence of these issues has been so consistent that I've even contemplated enrolling in formal Human Resources training at TAFE just to equip ministry workers better to function effectively on their teams. While we readily invest in relationships with the people we minister to, we often neglect to work on developing robust and safe relationships with the people we minister with.
This article is my attempt at suggesting a possible way forward. Drawing inspiration from the work of coaching guru Michael Bungay Stanier, this article articulates a framework for building stronger working relationships in ministry contexts. At the centre of this approach is what we'll call the "Covenant Conversation" - a structured chat that establishes a foundation for relationships that are secure, life-giving, and restorable.
The Covenant Relationship
In scripture, covenant relationships were intentional, mutual, and structured. From God's covenant with Abraham to the new covenant in Christ, we see relationships that are:
Secure - Built on trust, commitment, and psychological safety
Life-giving - Fostering growth, purpose, and mutual edification
Restorable - Including pathways for repentance, forgiveness, and reconciliation
The Covenant Conversation helps establish this foundation by creating:
Shared responsibility - Acknowledging that both parties have a role in creating a healthy relationship
Permission to revisit - Establishing that it's acceptable to discuss the relationship itself, not just the tasks at hand
Deeper understanding - Seeing the other person more fully, as God sees them
I Said (Almost) Anyone
While the Covenant Conversation approach is helpful for most ministry relationships, we must acknowledge situations where deeper intervention is needed. Cases involving spiritual abuse, narcissistic leadership, serious boundary violations, unrepentant sin patterns, or unaddressed mental health issues typically require skilled mediation or professional intervention.
Signs that a relationship has moved beyond what a one-on-one conversation can address include: refusal to acknowledge harm, weaponising scripture, isolation tactics, intimidation, or making reconciliation conditional. In these cases, seek wisdom from mature spiritual mentors, denominational leaders, or Christian counsellors trained in mediation. Remember that pursuing accountability is not ungracious—sometimes the most loving action is establishing firm boundaries while praying for genuine restoration.
The 5 Questions of the Covenant Conversation
The Covenant Conversation involves five key questions that help establish the foundation for a healthy working relationship. Before having this conversation with someone else, take time to reflect on your answers.
1. The Gifts Question: How Has God Equipped You?
This question invites both of you to recognise and name the gifts, talents, and strengths God has given you.
Reflect on:
What spiritual gifts has God given you?
What natural talents do you bring to ministry?
When do you feel most alive and effective in your service?
What do others affirm in you?
Being clear about your gifts helps others know how to best engage with you and creates space for you to operate in your areas of strength.
2. The Stewardship Question: How Do You Manage What God Has Entrusted to You?
God calls us to be good stewards not just of material resources but of our time, energy, and relationships. This question explores your practices and preferences in ministry.
Consider:
How do you steward your time and energy?
What rhythms of work and rest help you thrive?
How do you typically communicate and collaborate?
What boundaries do you need to maintain healthy ministry practice?
Sharing these patterns helps establish reasonable expectations and prevents unnecessary friction.
3. The Fellowship Question: What Helps You Thrive in Community?
This question examines what you've learned from past positive ministry relationships.
Reflect on:
When have you experienced the most life-giving ministry partnerships?
What made those relationships work well?
How did you and others bring out the best in each other?
What created trust and safety in those relationships?
Learning from positive experiences helps you intentionally cultivate similar dynamics in new relationships.
4. The Wilderness Question: What relational challenges and hurts have impacted your ministry relationships?
This question acknowledges past painful experiences as sources of wisdom.
Consider:
What hurts have you suffered in difficult ministry relationships?
How have you contributed to relationship challenges?
What triggers defensiveness or conflict for you?
What have you learned from these experiences?
Understanding these patterns helps prevent repeating the same mistakes and provides insight for navigating future challenges.
5. The Reconciliation Question: How Will You Practice Restoration?
Matthew 18 and Galatians 6 provide frameworks for restoration when relationships break down. This question establishes pathways back to unity.
Reflect on:
How do you like to be approached when there is relational breakdown?
When have you experienced Christ's healing in a broken relationship, and what did that process look like?
How do you tend to address conflicts when you see them?
What practices restore trust with you after it's been broken?
Having a shared commitment to reconciliation creates resilience in the relationship and acknowledges our human tendency to fall short.
Having the Covenant Conversation
Making the Invitation
Begin by prayerfully considering with whom you should have a Covenant Conversation. This might be:
A new ministry team member
A long-term colleague where the relationship has grown stale
A difficult relationship that needs resetting
A key volunteer or ministry partner
Then, extend the invitation with humility and clarity. You could say something like:
"I value our ministry partnership and want to make sure we're working together in a way that honours God and serves His purposes effectively. Could we catch up to talk about how we can best support each other in ministry? I'd like to discuss our gifts, working styles, and how we can maintain a healthy relationship even when challenges arise."
Starting with Prayer and Scripture
Begin the conversation by acknowledging God's presence and seeking His wisdom:
"Lord, we come before You as partners in Your ministry. Guide our conversation, help us speak truth in love, and show us how to work together in a way that glorifies You and advances Your kingdom. Amen."
Consider reading a brief passage about unity or relationships, such as Ephesians 4:1-6 or Colossians 3:12-15.
Creating Safety
Remember that vulnerability can feel risky, especially in ministry contexts where people often feel pressure to appear spiritually mature. Create safety by:
Sharing your answers first
Listening without judgment
Affirming the other person's experiences and perspectives
Maintaining confidentiality
Expressing gratitude for their openness
Ending in Thanksgiving
Close the conversation by:
Summarising what you've learned about each other
Identifying specific ways you'll support each other
Agreeing on how you'll address challenges if they arise
Praying together, thanking God for His work in and through you both
Maintaining the Covenant Relationship
The Covenant Conversation is just the beginning. Maintaining a healthy ministry relationship requires ongoing attention through:
1. Regular Reflection
Set aside time periodically to discuss:
"How are we doing in our working relationship?"
"What's going well that we want to continue?"
"What adjustments would help us serve better together?"
2. Practicing Humility
Philippians 2:3-4 calls us to "do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves." This means:
Being quick to listen and slow to speak
Seeking to understand before being understood
Giving others the benefit of the doubt
Admitting when you're wrong
3. Addressing Issues Promptly
Matthew 5:23-24 encourages us to address relationship issues promptly:
Name concerns directly but gently
Focus on specific behaviours rather than character judgments
Use "I" statements instead of accusations
Seek resolution rather than victory
4. Celebrating Growth
Take time to recognise and celebrate:
Ways you've grown individually and together
How God has worked through your partnership
Challenges you've overcome
Kingdom impact you've achieved together
Conclusion
Ministry is too important—and too difficult—to leave our working relationships to chance. By investing in intentional Covenant Conversations and ongoing relationship maintenance, we create partnerships that are secure, life-giving, and restorable.
These relationships not only make ministry more joyful and sustainable but also demonstrate to a watching world what it means to be united in Christ. As Jesus prayed in John 17:21, "that they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me."
When we work well together, we reflect the very nature of our triune God—distinct persons in perfect, loving relationships. And that witness may be our most powerful ministry of all.