In my previous article, I explored William Bridges' three-stage model of transition, the journey from endings through the wilderness of the neutral zone to new beginnings. While Bridges provides the psychological landscape of transition, many readers asked: "This helps me understand what's happening, but what should I do during transition?"
This is where the RAFT model becomes invaluable. Originally developed for cross-cultural workers returning from overseas assignments, RAFT offers a practical framework for anyone navigating significant life transitions—whether leaving a job, relocating, transitioning to a new life stage, or stepping away from ministry.
The acronym stands for Reconciliation, Affirmation, Farewell, and Think Destination. Let me walk you through each component.
R - Reconciliation: Clearing the Relational Slate
The first element involves reconciling relationships before you leave. This doesn't mean forcing reconciliation where it's impossible—some people will never be at peace with you, regardless of your efforts. As Romans 12:18 reminds us: "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."
The key phrase is "as far as it depends on you." This stage requires honest self-examination: Are there conversations I've been avoiding? Relationships where I could take responsibility for my part? Words that need to be spoken or forgiveness that needs to be sought?
I've seen too many transitions derailed by unfinished relational business. One pastor left for a new position without addressing a conflict with his music director. Three years later, he was still carrying the weight of that unresolved tension, and it affected his ability to build trust in his new role.
Reconciliation isn't about achieving perfect harmony—it's about ensuring you've done everything within your power to pursue peace.
A - Affirmation: Fanning Flames into Fire
The second element involves affirming others before you leave. This means intentionally encouraging key people by reflecting to them who you've seen God make them to be.
Think in concentric circles:
Inner circle: People requiring one-on-one coffee conversations where you can speak deeply into their identity and calling
Middle circle: Families you invite for meals, where you can affirm both individuals and their household
Outer circle: Small groups or team settings where you can encourage people collectively
But don't limit yourself to face-to-face encounters. You could write a letter. You could send an email. You can even have a phone conversation. The key is to determine the most effective way to affirm everyone in your sphere of influence before you leave. How can you bless them before you go?
This isn't about flattery or false encouragement. It's about what Paul did throughout his letters—reminding people of their gifts, character, and calling. "Continue to be this person I see God has made you to be. These are the gifts I've witnessed in you. This is how you've blessed us."
The goal is to fan into flame anything you've seen in them, affirming their identity in Christ and their unique contribution to God's kingdom.
F - Farewell: Taking Responsibility for Your Send-Off
Here's where the RAFT model becomes counterintuitive. Typically, the person leaving expects others to organise their farewell. But what if you're the person who normally organises this for other people, and no one around can do it for you?
The third element recognises that loving people well sometimes means facilitating your farewell. This isn't about ego or ensuring you get the send-off you deserve. It's about recognising that a good farewell benefits everyone.
Talk to key people and say: "This is what you need to think about for farewelling us well. You need to consider a gift, plan some gathering, think about what words need to be spoken."
Don't be embarrassed about this. A good farewell isn't ultimately about praising you—it's about creating space for corporate worship and thanksgiving for what God has done amongst you. It leaves people with hearts full of gratitude for God's faithfulness rather than awkwardness about an anticlimactic departure.
If you have a ministry family, make sure they farewell your spouse and your kids as well. It can get awkward when only the pastor is the one spoken about at the farewell, and not the rest of the family. Help them be recognised for the important part they've played as a member of a ministry family.
T - Think Destination: Managing the Practical Details
The final element involves thinking through the logistics of where you're going—housing, schools, work arrangements, and administrative changes. This is often where people spend most of their mental energy, and it's certainly important.
However, the RAFT model's genius is recognising that focusing only on destination logistics while neglecting the other three elements leads to incomplete transitions. You might arrive at your new location with unresolved conflicts, missed opportunities to encourage others, and relationships that feel unfinished.
Working RAFT Together
The beauty of the RAFT model is that different people in your family or team might naturally gravitate toward different elements. In the conversation that inspired this article, I observed a pastoral couple where the husband was primarily focused on "Think Destination"—the logistics of moving, timelines, and practical arrangements. Meanwhile, his wife was more drawn to "Affirmation"—wanting to spend meaningful time with people they'd come to love.
Rather than seeing this as a conflict, RAFT helps us recognise these as complementary strengths. The key is being intentional about all four elements rather than letting your natural preferences dominate.
Biblical Foundations
The RAFT model reflects biblical patterns of transition. Jesus spent significant time with his disciples before the cross, reconciling relationships (think of his restoration of Peter), affirming their calling ("you will do greater works than these"), preparing them for his departure, and helping them understand their destination (the coming of the Spirit).
Paul's letters demonstrate RAFT principles beautifully—he consistently affirmed churches' gifts and growth, addressed relational conflicts, prepared them for his physical absence, and helped them think about their future calling.
The Difference RAFT Makes
Without intentional attention to these four areas, transitions often feel incomplete. People carry guilt about unaddressed conflicts, missed opportunities to encourage others, and relationships that ended abruptly. The new destination feels tainted by unfinished business from the departure.
But when you work through RAFT systematically, something beautiful happens. You arrive at your new location with a sense of completion about where you've been. The people you've left feel genuinely loved and equipped for their continuing journey. Your departure becomes a blessing rather than simply an absence.
Making RAFT Practical
If you're in transition, consider creating a simple grid:
Reconciliation: List relationships needing attention. What conversations do you need to initiate?
Affirmation: Map your concentric circles. Who needs coffee conversations? Family meals? Group encouragement?
Farewell: What kind of send-off would bless both you and those you're leaving? Who needs to be involved in planning it?
Think Destination: What practical details need attention? But don't let this consume all your emotional energy.
The Deeper Purpose
Ultimately, RAFT serves the same purpose as understanding Bridges' transition stages—it helps us navigate change with greater intentionality and wisdom. While Bridges maps the internal psychological journey, RAFT provides external actions that support a healthy transition.
Both frameworks recognise that transition is more than logistical change. Whether we're talking about the wilderness of the neutral zone or the systematic work of RAFT, the goal isn't just reaching a new location—it's arriving there as transformed people who have navigated change in ways that honour God and bless others.
The RAFT model reminds us that how we leave is often as important as where we're going. By attending carefully to reconciliation, affirmation, farewell, and destination, we can ensure our transitions become testimonies to God's faithfulness rather than stories of missed opportunities and unfinished business.